Should I stop feeding my baby to sleep?

First things first: ‘should’ isn’t an appropriate word in this debate. ‘Should’ is used to indicate obligation, duty or correctness. There is no single correct way to put your baby to sleep and no one should make you feel obliged to change what you’re doing.

If you’re happily feeding your baby to sleep and baby is sleeping well then ignore whoever planted a seed of doubt in your mind but remain flexible and open to change. In the weeks and months ahead, your baby might not always want to feed to sleep.

Like most baby sleep topics, the internet is a whirlwind of contradictory advice on whether or not to feed to sleep. You will read anti-sleep training theorists who say that feeding to sleep builds attachment and then warn that leaving your baby to cry is therefore hugely damaging to attachment. You will read others who say your baby will never learn to sleep through the night if you continue to feed in order to get your baby back to sleep.

Both of these arguments have elements of truth and exaggeration. However, cry-it-out isn’t the only approach to sleep training and gentle, responsive methods can help improve sleep without harming attachment.

The missing component of these polarising arguments is individuality.

Some babies have a very easy-going temperament and despite feeding to sleep, this doesn’t create any issues with falling back to sleep throughout the night. In these cases, ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’.

For many babies, a reliance on a caregiver to fall asleep results in the expectation for the same action to fall back to sleep when they wake at night.

The  ‘not one size fits all’ rule applies to parents too! If you’re tired but you feel you can muddle through getting up a few times a night or co-sleep in order to survive and that’s what feels right, then you shouldn’t be embarrassed to stand by that intuitive decision. For those who are really struggling with the lack of sleep and feel that more sleep is going to improve the whole family’s quality of life then you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for wanting or needing that. We are all different and the only ‘should’ applying to this topic is that we ‘should’ all be able to make reasonable and personal parenting choices without the fear of judgement or the inner conflict that all these dividing opinions on the matter create.

What do I recommend if you feel it’s time to move away from feeding to sleep?

• Don’t worry about making this change under 6 months old!
• If you’re breastfeeding, think about having another caregiver initiate this change for you and then you follow on from that.
• Have a clear plan on what you’re going to do instead of feeding to sleep as rocking/bouncing to sleep can be a helpful stepping stone but long term isn’t any more sustainable than feeding.
• Consider a gentle sleep coach or consultant to help you set up a clear plan without the worry of whether you’re going about it the right way. If you’re interested in my sleep services click here!